Talking to Your Kids About Death

I think talking to kids about death is almost harder than talking to them about sex. The topic of sex seems to embarrass many parents. The subject of death though can cause so much pain that parents often avoid the topic all together.

I recently attended the funeral of a twenty-one year old boy with my two daughters. He was killed by a drunk driver. His death affected me, affected my daughters and it also affected an entire community.That very same weekend, another boy just two years younger was also killed. These two deaths affected many teenagers who had known the two boys, gone to school with the two boys and even worked with the two boys.

 "While I never had the opportunity to meet you, your death has deeply affected me, because so many of my friends knew you and have been affected."

For example, when I lost my grandmother, I was about twenty-seven years old. I remember being at my aunt's house after the funeral and everyone was eating and laughing. I couldn't imagine eating or even laughing. I was so sad over losing my grandmother. Reflecting back, I realized that all deal with grief in different ways. I took a walk, others laughed and ate. It's ok to be sad but it's also ok to not be sad. It's ok to laugh, but it's also ok to feel like not laughing. While I was incredibly close to my grandmother, I didn't have the same relationship with her husband, my grandfather. My reaction to his death was very different than my reaction to my grandmother's death.It's ok to share stories like this with your children. If you've never lost anyone, you could find an article in the newspaper about a death and you could ask a question of your own children such as "I wonder how her family felt about her death?" Or "I wonder if all of her grandchildren were able to attend the funeral?" Making statements like this might encourage your children to ask questions.If you follow a specific religious belief, you might look into books or pamphlets that help kids understand death and dying from a religious perspective.

I agree, it's not an easy topic to talk to your children about. 

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